Musings of the Data Entry Temp …

12 05 2009

Welcome …

Let me show you to your cubicle …

Over here in the corner …

With a lovely view of the wall …

It’s okay, it’s white …

You’ll love it!

Plus, you’re forgetting the stunning view of the oversized clock on the wall …

It’ll help you keep track of the minutes, I mean seconds … the never-ending seconds…

as you while away the day at work …

I’m sorry … did you say ‘Window’?

*cough*

See that pile of papers over there …

Ha ha …

No the bigger pile behind it …

The one that looks like the Leaning Tower of Pisa …

Yeah … 

Grab that … you’re going to need it …

Ha, ha … look at that … you can’t even see over it …

Let me help you …

I’ll introduce you to some people …

Only the three that sit around you …

That’s all you’ll need …

Cause you’re a data entry temp …

There’s really no point in us learning your name …

Not that I’d say that out loud of course …

Now, where were we …

Oh that’s right, I was showing you the arduous, yet repetitive tasks you’ll be performing for the week …

*slap*

Hey wake up!

This is your life for the next week and you better like it …

Now, let me show you the tea room …

It’s the best part about this place …

There are lounges …

A table …

Nescafe coffee … only the best for our staff …

Well actually we get it cheap because we buy it in bulk, but don’t tell anyone I told you that …

Oh yeah, did anyone mention that you need you’re own coffee cup …

No? That’s okay, there’s a couple of cups just for such an emergency …

Don’t mind those stains, I think the cup was made by Bill’s* kid in school – they are meant to be there …

Yes Julie, Bill had a  kid that made stuff at school …

huh? No kids … well maybe it was Ben or one of the other guys from upstairs …

Anyway, the glorious tea room, or mecca as we jokingly refer to it … is where you’ll get to hang out with the staff …

Yes Julie, I know nobody really calls it that it’s just what I like to call it …

What?

Since Today okay? Stop interrupting me alright!

As I was saying, this is where you’ll get to know people in a relaxing environment…

But don’t worry, they won’t bother talking to you …

Because you’re a temp …

Ha, ha!

What’s that you say?

You’re going to talk to them!

Ha, ha – you know I think you might be a keeper …

Let me know how that goes …

Usually you’ll just get what I like to call the “stunned mullet” expression, followed by them continuing a conversation with someone, anyone else …

Ha ha, get them on their own you say?

*chuckle* so young, so naiive …

Anyway, you’ll have to go out the back door here because the way we came in needs a swipe card …

Which you don’t have …

And we won’t give you one because you’re not going to be here long …

Oh yeah, and the bathroom is over there … 

But you need a swipe card to get back into the building …

Oh that’s right, you can take the back door …

It leads outside but you can walk around the building into the front door …

Yes, I know it’s winter but if you jog you’ll be fine …

Besides it’ll help you wake up out of that Data Entry Coma you’ll fall into after twenty minutes …

So let me know if you have any questions …

My desk is that way *points in some vague direction*

Meep!

(Inspired by true events, i.e. like Hollywood much poetic license has been applied)

*All names are fictional, if real people have these names they should create a Facebook page and link to this blog to make it more popular, correspondence with real or actual living persons is unintentional as I was the data entry temp and didn’t bother to learn your names either.

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