In some previous posts I wrote that my doctor has me wearing a compression stocking on my sore leg to help with the pain.
I have to say that this stocking is the bomb … except it’s a stocking … erm … yeah …
It absolutely does its job – the pain in my leg has decreased a bit so that I don’t have to use my walking stick everywhere I go and I can even manage short walks everyday – you know out of the house – for fun like
I get to experience nature now..
Erm … yay
I’d totally forgotten about the joys of nature … I mean did you know that nature has … um … cute … yeah cute … little bugs?
Well it used to have little bugs …
Unfortunately, they’re gone now …
They’ve been sacrificed to the huge slimey bug with eighteen legs and whopping great antenna antlers that I found sitting on my shoulder the other day.
I think the sacrifice was a peace offering to let the medium sized bugs live.
It was just sitting there all Jiminy Cricket like, soaking up the rays; chilling out.
I think he wanted directions … to where the big bugs were hanging out these days.
Being a nature aficionado I pointed him in the direction of the sole of my shoe. I even gave him a lift by way of my hand … to the ground next to my shoe.
That took seconds off my life … how does a bug even grow that big?
How on earth does it fit on my tiny shoulder?
“Taxi!” … sorry nature … I’m done!
I’ve decided to enjoy nature as the gods obviously intended … looking at it through a car window!
But back to the fantastic compression stocking …
That I wear on one leg …
Did you know that I live in Queensland?
It’s damn hot here …
Do you know how stupid I look wearing shorts with ONE stocking coming out of them?
Did I mention the stocking was a brown or beige type colour?
Did I also mention that due to my travels I haven’t experienced a real Queensland summer in oh say fifteen years?
Yup I’m whiter than Sarah Palin …
And probably more skilled in politics … yeah that was low … but funny
Okay then, I’m whiter than Shaft…
Oh wait …
Fine then look I’m so white people can’t get within a metre of me due to the glare!
Unfortunately, it doesn’t have the same Kryptonite like affect on bugs!
Somehow, I have to get my legs to match for summer …
I might have to lower myself to using fake tan …
Does fake tan come in beige?
No?
Crap!
Maybe I can start a fashion trend?
Funny that didn’t work when I tried to bring leg warmers back last year …
Or the time I tried to wear my Ugg boots to the beach …
Yeah … maybe not …
Maybe I can wear a leg warmer on the other leg to make it look like I meant to do that?
Erm … Queensland summer … it’s only a notch below hell in terms of heat
Yeah … I hit my pain medication hard before writing this post …
You can tell …
This is going to be a long summer.
Ergh! I hate discovering creepy crawlies. Gives me the heebie-jeebies just reading about it on your shoulder. You did much better than I would have. I know my reaction would be to desperately swipe at it screaming “get it off get it of get it off!”. Any how, just wanted to request more post-medication posts, this one was highly amusing.
Leah’s tan crap turned a blue towel beige, a bathtub beige and part of the mopy-dick-fish beige (itsa statue, has a lot to do with lee – should explain everything that.)
I would say you are in with a chance man.